On a Slowboat

Writing is going very slow balanced with essays, school reading etc. But I'm remembering the advice I was given over the summer and even if it is only a little I'm writing everyday. I won't complete Nano this year, but that doesn't mean I can't complete my book. I will persevere.

Nanowrimo Begins...

I'm participating this year but working on a story already in progress...so I'm unofficial, but it's worth it. I agonized about this 'cause I love the Nano, the rush and comraderie. Then I realized, I really love and believe in this story...I don't want to stop. This will help me finish it and I know I will love that feeling equally, if not even more. Winhttp://www.blogger.com/img/gl.link.gifs all around. I swear Nano gives me another great reason to love November.

If you are participating in Nano, good luck and tag me if you want to buddy up!


www.nanowimo.org

Congratulations Richard!

Excellent writer Richard Crawford won 3rd place in the Fall 2007 24 Hour Short Story Contest By Writer's Weekly!

WELL DONE RICHARD!!! I'm NOT surprised at all! Your story is great!

Details Here:

http://www.writersweekly.com/contest/fall07winners.html

Ooo. Ooo now this is interesting...

I'm writing.

I've got an outline of sorts had a scene in mind, characters, what would happen. I'm typing along and then two of them get into this staring match (not foreseen or outlined) and they were just supposed to sit and check each other out. But my protagonist is surly (for good reason) and this guy, he's impatient (for good reason). Suddenly they both are hijacking this scene, the intentions. Something else is happening.

And it's so much better! It's in line with my original intention but it's much more defining of who he is and it's making my protagonist rise up to the occasion, too. Maybe this happens with other writers I'm sure it must, I've read about it. In certain ways it has happened to me before but...not quite like this. It fits.

So far this story is growing and I'm nervous only because I don't want to hit "this is crap" and give in to a temptation to stop. I have to finish this and push through. I have to do this because I want to do this and I really do. Hmm, I better make sure my loose out line is ready if that happens. Sunday goal methinks.

I'm up to 7K today. I've determined that writing until the scene I'm writing feels complete or writing about 1K on days I write is my minimum goal word count. At least for this story. This pace allows such things to happen like above and makes me feel like I'm making solid progress. I can always write more. I can give myself a break when I need to. But 1K is my goal.

Okay, I'll stop with the every move updates (I really don't mean to) but I had to share this feels...so good. Gosh I hope it is good. Or reads well. Or someone likes it - ahh later! I'll think about that later.

For now, I need to get it out. And I like it.

What am I doing? Writing...

I should probably be sleeping.

But I just finished writing a 1000 words. An idea born from a challenge and a desire to write a little fic (750 words I figured) has blossomed over the last two days and at this moment I'm 4000 words in. This is going to screw with my NaNoWriMo goals - but I'm on to something good. It feels like it. It's rough, so rough but I like it.

Is it a novel? Is it a short story? I don't know just yet. I'm not totally sure what is going to happen in it, but characters are talking and events are shaping. I'm only a few chapters ahead in my planning. I'm just rounding on what I think the climax and ending will be in my musings. I'm completely engaged. Most of all I'm just writing.

All this on a borrowed computer given that my current one with all my luxuries is in the Mac shop. Not bad. Maybe the new comp and keyboard are conducive to my writing? Hmm something to consider.

Alright, I can rest now. Because when I wake up, I'll write.

Follow up to Belated Sunday Meditation Post

Today I woke up and wrote.

This afternoon, I wrote a short fic between classes.

It feels awesome when I make my word worth something and respect myself and my writing.

And now, off to study so I can write even more.

Belated Sunday Meditation: Consistently Persistent

Missed my Sunday meditation...but this does apply in that vein. Belated then it is.

I'm currently a reentry student in college and I have to say, this semester is more intense than I factored. Not the work but the sheer amount of writing is more than I expected. It makes me want to write creatively just to balance all the dry stuff. Since my last post, I've found myself waking up early to write then getting sidetracked by the impending exam, essay or book report . This happens even when I have amply prepared for them but I start second guessing myself. As a result, I'm not prioritizing my passion. How rude I am to myself for doing this?

Thankfully, this past weekend I participated with talented, awesome friends in a quarterly 24-hour Short Story Contest at Writer's Weekly. I've never done something like that before and I really liked it. It was fun even if I now keep thinking of all the things I could have done to improve my submission. But I submitted something I liked, believe can be enjoyed by others and says something. It felt good. It was fun especially sharing the pressure to get it submitted, ideas and general challenges with talented friends (who I think have a FANTASTIC shot at winning the top prizes). Thank you, if you guys are reading this. It was a great experience and you had a lot to do with that too.

Really, I refuse to allow those assignments to continue to get in my way, though I acknowledge they are a priority too. I just have to relax. Lack of sleep right now is probably not helping me either. But I know how good I feel working at one of my passions and I can't continue to improve or get where I'm going if I don't respect my time. Everyone (you know, the mysterious "they") says that one part of writing is persistence and another is consistency. I'm persistent, no doubt. I need to get more consistency. Tomorrow, I wake up and exam or not I write an hour and return to my center again. I also need to submit to my writer's group. That will be good for me too.

I'm going to participate in National Novel Writing Month aka NaNoWriMo in November of this year. I can't wait. Last year I "won" and wrote a 50k novel in 30 days. Please note, I did not provide an adjective such as great, fantastic or in the realm of publishing before the word novel in that last sentence. But I did meet the goal, gain a lot of self confidence and have fun. This year, I'm going to attempt to do it again, but this time write something with the intention to submit it for publishing. If you want to buddy up for encouragement, commiseration and general goofy hi-jinks, please let me know.

Right now, I'm going to have some tea and get some sleep. Then I'm going to wake up and do some fantastic writing. How about you?

Scattered Distracted Writing Thoughts

I have had a hard time with my writing discipline as workload is currently very demanding, so I'm doing minimal effort. But I'm making an effort and writing something, every day. That counts right? Not as lengthy but I'm writing exercising my brain.

And now inspiration strikes as the thunder growls above my head and shakes the house. Quite a way for Mother Nature to announce darn your calendar, Fall is here. Sure, it's probably nothing compared to the East Coast storms, but still it rattles the house and makes the air smell earthy, damp and clean.

There's got to be something I can do with thunder right? That's a good prompt.

Ok work to do... and writing

Sunday Writing Meditation: Hauntings and Sparks

I've been haunted all weekend by a phrase. Phrases can act as writing and/or story prompts for me, certain phrases demand that I write them down and let them feed on my imagination. I'll have slips of phrases that bounce around my head and if I try to ignore them they turn incessant and insistent. Some of the phrases probably aren't all that clever or extraordinary beyond the fascination my mind holds for them. Other times they seem to come from me or conversations with friends, loved ones even overhead by two strangers (strangers can offer some of the best phrases empty of any context but what I create.) Occasionally song lyrics will provide them, too. But from whatever origin, they repeat in my mind and become something more than their original intention. They become sparks to a story. The phrase becomes either the opening words, the plot, the climax, the first indication of a new character's birth. They spark.

Now I love when sparks happen, when I'm feeling sparked inside. The way inspiration slides over my thoughts, warms my confidence. That feeling whenever things are flowing or clicking, when all the words pouring out smoothly like they have always been within me and were just waiting for me to release them. When the story and context feel right. At those moments I feel I am doing what I should be doing and all is right with the world. Harmonious. I love being haunted by words and phrases - it's pleasure.

But I can't let myself get hung up on needing to feel this way in order to write. Because in later review what I actually write during that time may not be all that great (though often it could become better and possibly damn good). The writing's fate lies in my persistence to continue and in the rewrite(s). I must remember not to believe the haunting feeling born from a phrase and coupled with that everything-I-write-is-brilliant feeling while I'm sparked represents the entirety of my ability to write well. My writing comes from more than just random flashes of inspiration. It just takes flight from the flashes.

After all, it's what happens after the spark fades, when I'm pushing through to the other side where my real reward lies, I suspect. That is where the writer in me is tempered. So that's my Sunday meditation: Be haunted, use the spark and enjoy it but don't be discouraged when the feeling fades away. Push through.

I'm going to go write and have some brunch, in the reverse order. What will you do?

Writer: Madeleine L'Engle 11/29/18 - 9/6/2007

Here is a writer who sparked so many at such young ages (myself included). She has always been an inspiration and hero for me. It's no small thing to say A Wrinkle in Time completely changed me. It also opened my eyes to what stories can be if you refuse to let yourself be limited by other's perceptions. So many wonderful lessons. Such a passionate strong writing voice. A quote by her:

"In my dreams, I never have an age," she said. "I never write for any age group in mind. When people do, they tend to be tolerant and condescending and they don't write as well as they can write.

"When you underestimate your audience, you're cutting yourself off from your best work."

What a lovely legacy. I'm glad she was able to share it with so many.

The Other World Descends While I Meet More Writers

Since my last post my non-writing world has arrived, so I missed sharing my Sunday meditation. At this point, it likely would have been a shell-shocked meditation about how much essay writing I've got to do this semester in college. Am I in for a loooong four months. Should be fun in there...somewhere.

Attended my first writer's group meeting tonight (Thank you Richard!). Based on my perusal of "How to tell if the writing group you are attending is awesome or not" articles then just listening/watching the participants, I have to say my first impression is that I like this group. I'm not just saying that because some of them may trip here and find me (hello and welcome if you do). What I really liked about them is how they communicated and supported each other. The fact they offered each other constructive criticism, supported by reasons then offered pertinent suggestions of how to improve that were validated or clarified as opinion. They ended critiques with something positive said or reinforced, which I think is very humane and crucial regardless if one is tough-skinned or not. From the writing excerpts that I read in various stages of development, they've got passion and true sparks. There are some talented writers in this group and the levels of expertise appears to vary from new, intermediate and established. They appear to acknowledge and appreciate growth at any level.

I didn't meet all the members so I'm sure there must be some who speak with a sandpaper tongue rather than a silver one. That is probably a good thing as I'm a fan of balance. Personal preferences should probably be noted too, but they gave an impression that they are serious about wanting to write and grow. Another key point - passionate about writing and reading. We'll see how the next few meetings go and what happens when I submit my first piece for review. Hmm, more milestones ahead for me!

My organization plan is in slow mode as I take another week to get my non-writing world rhythms worked out (is that a good alliteration or just a funky tongue twister?) I'm still writing four days each week, I'm just not worrying about my personal quotas or counts yet. I'm focused on freewrites, a couple flash fics and enjoying writing fun stuff. Maybe its not quite as much as I want to be doing toward plan, but I'm writing consistently so I'm happy.

I'm going to get some rest so that I can wake up early and do some freewriting before the other world descends again. What will you do during your day to feel good or get closer to your writing goals?

Sunday Writing Meditation: Ignoring the Muse

Today, I looked forward to having the house to myself. Time to write uninterrupted muse or no muse. And as it would happen, the muse decided to take a trip today and was nowhere to be found this morning. That's fine, diligence being what it is, I nodded my head and prepared to work without said muse. Only I kept distracting myself with other things...I just couldn't clear my head. I tried to read but even that was hard. I knew I needed to try something different.

So rather than spend a whole day frustrated with myself, I gave in.

I relaxed. If I can't "mug the muse" (love that phrase - Holly Lisle thank you!), I can't summon it, and I have self-imposed goals to meet, then maybe a change of pace is in order. Instead of morning writing, I'll try later in the evening.

So today I checked on the Gardenia plant I potted yesterday. I did some housework. Prepared for tomorrow. Did grocery shopping. Relaxed and watched some of my guilty pleasure shows on TV (TIVO rocks). I did some laundry. And as I was playing a video game, I felt the muse lurking, looking around the corner. Possibly wondering where all my frustration is hiding. Where is my fear to ever become self-disciplined? But the fear and frustration aren't hidden or lurking, they just don't hold any sway with me at this point. I nod to the muse but I don't approach. I look away and continue to enjoy myself. I find, happily I don't feel guilty at all 'cause again muse or no muse, I'll write later tonight. I'll still reach my goal for today.

And what do you know? The muse is hanging out, shyly. Brilliant!

So what have I learned? Sometimes it's ok to give in and not do the work immediately, particularly when I give myself realistic parameters so I still get things done and I don't feel behind the eight ball. Perhaps take care of things niggling in the back of my mind, too. This allows me to fully enjoy my time and be present in the moment.

So, back to my amusements for a little longer. Then I'm off to write. What will you do?

My First Rejection Letter

Today when I arrived home from errands and hanging out with my mom, my first rejection letter (a form letter) was waiting for me. The website of the publisher had cautioned not to expect more than a form letter due to volume. It is a very politely worded and concisely written form letter.

My first thought was some disappointment, it would have been wonderful to have published in spite of my inexperience first time out. By the same token, as I continue to practice and apply some of what I learned at the conference in my writings (I attended after I submitted Soul Mate), I can already see some of the areas in need of improvement and work more clearly. I realize I'm still learning. I'm ok with this.

When I submitted this story it was during a peak of a very stressful time. Dad was fading and everyone in my family was hurting. We would only have a few more days together. I recall thinking when I hit send on my email to submit it, what better time than right now to submit a work (clearly I admit I was not thinking career wise or about how emotional I was feeling inside). But a "no" couldn't possibly compare to the hurt I felt. Still feel admittedly.

Then, I needed to do something part of the world outside of the ICU unit and hospital, remind myself there were things beyond...those moments. I wanted to visit with my dad and share with him all about the experience and process of the idea, writing it, trying to edit myself and then submitting. I wanted him to know that I had accomplished something we had long, thoughtful discussions about. I submitted a story that was the best I could write at that time (though perhaps not brilliant, in retrospect). Happily, I was able to tell him all of this during a point when he was conscious and pain free. I told him with my chin up and a genuine smile. I remember he smiled back through the tubes and I knew he heard me, was proud of me.

I hope to always remember to put rejections and other such disappointments I may face while I travel down roads into this perspective. Rejections are disappointing. I'd be a liar if I said it doesn't hurt. I do feel about it, after all I'm putting myself out there. But it's not HURT in the big letters. Not compared to what dad went through or how much I miss him.

Finally, I hold my chin up with the knowledge that I submitted something! Geez, at least no one responded, "Dear GOD Ray! Never send anything to us again!" Even if someone had, I'd smile, salute and keep on moving. This letter is proof to myself I'm on my chosen path of storyteller, writer. So its not with a large clash of cymbals to herald my foot falls. Its still enough fanfare to make me smile. I'll even be able to flash the rejection page around as proof I'm not just talking...I'm walking. More than that, I'm writing and hopefully writing better all the time.

So a sincere thank you to Shane and the slush pile editors at Delirium Books for making my first rejection memorable and even dignified. I believe with time and steady improvement, I'll make it harder to send another polite form letter to me in the future. At some point with applied diligence, I'll make it impossible.

Today is a gold star day. Hope yours is too.

Ohmigosh! Silly Writer's Moment Here

Ok. I promise I'm not going to report every little move I make here, that's truly boring. This is not part of my "Great American Novel" idea...but a story idea I've had married a plot idea, then the offspring blossomed and expanded like an atomic monster!!! It happened during a free writing plot exercise! Did I mention free writing kicks ass?

::Cue me running around office like excited cat during nocturnal shadow races when you are dead asleep and home base is your snoring, pillow-resting head::

I'm excited, to say the least. The idea is of course, brilliant (I'm sure this will change just not right now). Must write like atomic monster!

K... need to do some outlining but wow..pow, zing. This is wonderful. Not that I get like this with every plot or idea...but this one feels like mine to offer? Does that make sense? Blah. Too many words.

I got an awesome inspiration and I gotta get back to it, K?

[EDIT 6:26 p.m.: 1700 words total on back story, theme, premise and starting synopsis (with a few hundred more on loose outline). Brain still sparking. This is a good start. Now it's dinner time!]

Sunday Writing Meditation: My Current Game Plan

First, a big thank you to all of you who posted or emailed me about my last post. All of your comments brought points of view that helped me with my sinkhole so I can get moving. Your thoughts always have value to me.

Now, onto this post.

So aside from fighting what appears to be a cold, I've been thinking this week about my writing and my goals. What do I have in my head right now?

I've got some stories, definitely short stories.
I've got four actual novels that I want to write, have partially written or have written.
I've got some flash fiction pieces too.

So what's a writer to do with all this ambition, knowing that the non-writing world also has to play a part in all I do? My solution is fourfold: Plan. Organize. Apply self-discipline. Have fun.


Plan:

I want to write novels first and foremost but I must still live in the non-writing world and meet my goals there too. So I need a plan. So far, this is the plan: Write.

Awesome! Now to flesh that puppy out.

I will write something 4 days minimum each week. I can always write more or more often, but that is my minimum. It can be free writing. It can be story writing and/or blog writing. But I must do this and lucky for me I want to do this. Set up word counts for projects to make more finite objectives for this.

On the days that I don't write, I don't feel pressured or guilty about it because I'm making sure I'm taking time out for loved ones or for myself to be the responsible individual I need to sometimes be. To read. To laugh, recharge and let other stimulus spark me. To live - writers can research the dickens out of things but we have to live a little too, right?

Organize:

I've got my writing space. I've got my blog set-up. I've got weblinks to favorite inspirations and others to tools to help me on my way. As a MAC user I'm getting the hang of Scrivener program and loving it. I'm working on very loose outlines because I'm not entirely sure how outlining works for me yet but I've got a few new formats to try. I'm half researching which publishers and sites I'll want to submit my works, but I'm mostly creating my story idea notebook/file to be filled with thoughts and phrases that strike me, works that inspire. I'm also getting a notebook for me just to do some free writing. I love typing my stories but the longhand writing even with the bad handwriting and hand cramps makes me slow down, consider what I'm saying. It's a very good exercise. Oh and I bought a kitchen timer! NaNoWriMo taught me this trick - when you don't feel like writing put a timer down give yourself 5-10 min and then just write anything. Afterward, walk away or if stimulated continue. For me this often works.

Apply Self-Discipline:

::Shudders:: Discipline and I are still getting acquainted but I hope we become respectful partners, if not steadfast friends. Talking about writing is not writing. Researching is not writing. Sending emails is writing, but not progressive writing on your stories. Procrastination is not my friend. To help resist procrastination and its sweet siren call, I'll maintain my daily writing with a word count (variable to my current project). No stated absolute goals when I'm free writing. (What I do with what's written after those sessions...is what it is.)

Have Fun:

Now, why would someone sing with a beautiful voice if it makes them utterly miserable? Perhaps to bring joy to others or because it's something they must do. If I find myself in this sort of situation where I'm not having fun, but I must persevere I believe I should at least be thoughtful about doing it and about why. When I'm feeling the least inclined this is what may help me to go on. Aside from that, I am fun-loving and I really enjoy the process. It's the ride and the destination that are worthwhile, right? .


More specific:

* I am going to focus on writing a few flash fics and doing some free writing to keep my brain exercising for the next couple weeks. With classes starting up again and the new workload to balance out this will keep me writing but allow me to figure out how my other time commitments will affect my schedule. This may end sooner or later but I want to give myself time to get a good schedule going.

* By 9/17 I'm going to start working on one of my written novels, probably taking a good critical eye and rewriting it. Chances are this will be The Fugue State.

* I plan to participate in NaNoWriMo this year. No idea what I'll write yet but...likely it will be a very rough first draft for one of the four unwritten novels.

* I'm going to start attending local writer group meetings too and see what fun and information can be gleaned there. I always want to learn new things.

* I give myself inherent permission to ditch this plan if it isn't working and try something new. But I need to give this a good chance first.

...and that's my Sunday Writing Meditation and current game plan. Thoughts, assertions and suggestions welcome.

The Language of Movement

These are some of the words of movement, moving on, going forward.

...dust yourself off and try again
...have to get on the horse
...can't just sit at home and mope all day
...things to do, places to go
...miles to go before I sleep

...You get the idea. These are very good words (sentiments) and can be physically executed if you've the tools to do it. But the question is how to make these words reverberate and act on them when the movement you are pushing toward is emotional? Saying, "I'm moving forward," then actually moving forward are two different things.

It's not writer's block. It's not a lack of thoughts. It's just me standing in a sinkhole, dropping slow inches while I peer into some dense foliage concerned that I can't see the beast waiting for me. If there is one at all. There could also be a parade, behind the curtain of leaves. How will I know? But meanwhile, here I am sinking because at least I can see the sinkhole! It does read sorta stupid of me once I put it out there, doesn't it? At least being eaten by a beast would be interesting. Sinking in a sinkhole? That's just a slow, boring demise. Who needs that?

In writing, it's the scene stuck in my head that I'm emotionally invested in because I either love it, hate it, need it, or I'm confused by it, etc. The first step to getting around this I suppose is to recognize why it's preventing my movement, my progression. Why it (or that I allow it to) holds me back? Lack of understanding? Fear? Pride? Fatigue? Stubbornness? Ooo, how about an unwillingness to let go? Of what? Of this sense of frustration because at least it is something, it's familiar. Beyond it I have nothing waiting or planned. Taking steps into the yonder without an idea of where I'm going (I can't read compasses!), what awaits me (A parade of monsters!?) even while carefully treading. I've only this vague sense of where I want to end up.

Wow. That feels very naked... so this must be my truth! :) Afraid of the risk, dammit I hate that! I believe majority of the time that I like risks. I have taken many quite blithely. They quicken the blood and make the taste of things, sweeter. So why now? Maybe it's because I sense a change in my forest - it's different. Then, I took risks in the comfort of a known setting even with unknown results, I still felt safe...the treehouse was in sight or easy to find (Hmm how much risk is that actually - eh I'll save it for another post. :)). Now, everything here is new and I have no treehouse. It's exciting..but it makes for a bit of a pause.

Well hell, for me the only thing to do is something fun, something drastic to get my blood pumping lose myself in the journey for a while. Get over myself, get out of this sinkhole and step into my unknown prepared for my monster but hoping to join in a parade. On my own or with friends I can't stay here, I've got to keep on moving.

So...wanna go? I'm going to go write something. What will you do?

Final Day 3 of Sacramento Writer's Conference

I will post more about my impressions later, but other demands are making my time short tonight. The conference rocked and I'm very inspired to write because of it and the inspirational writers that attended who are published, not published or just learning. So here is what I've learned today in brief:

* The hero's journey plays on in variation through most of the successful stories and books most of us enjoy. It's a good thing to check current story against to see if elements are missing.
* Free writing works.
* Making new friends that share similar views is always wonderful. Linking their blogs to yours even better!
* Are you reading Richard Crawford's blog? Why not, it's amazing. Check him out.
* Ask questions
* Listen
* Set a goal and meet it: write one page or three pages a day, to a certain word count or during a certain time whichever works but be consistent. This is the way to discipline ::shudders::
* Revise, revise and then revise.
* Keep paper and pen ready to take inspiration at any time.

Good stuff. There's more but...later.

Sac Writer's Conference: Day 2

Some (not all) things I learned today:

* A lot about how to write well and structure
* Robin Burcell is a great mystery writer and an even greater person. And there is a difference between thrillers and suspense books.
* Romance genre is highly competitive and not as easy as it looks (luckily perhaps, thats not my focus)
* Researching, talking is NOT writing. Only writing is writing
* (Reinforced message) A good story is a good story no matter what genre so don't just read one genre, read everything.
* You cannot improve if you are not open to listening and learning constantly
* It may be possible even now that I can write and it won't just be a "book of pain"
* Everyone feels like their work is crap and they can't finish it. EVERYONE.
* YAY! I learned how to approach edits/revisions - look at a scene or sentence. What is the point? Does it help tell the story or forward the plot? Remove it. If you take it out does it take anything away from the story? If not lose it. Don't get hung up on it either.
* There is *always* something to write about

There's more but I'm sleepy...

Day One of Writer's Conference

Fun and interesting! More to report probably in roundup as I am very tired now.

But this was a good idea. To think, I almost didn't attend.

Words for Today

Surreal

Pain

Shattered

Loss

Love

Hurt

I

Miss

You

Already

Rest easy and be of joy. I know family particularly your mother, brothers and sisters are there. I know you are snapping fingers and laughing. I know you know how much love is here and how you are carried in my heart. For always.

One of your favorite quotes:

THANATOPSIS (Last Verse)
by: William Cullen Bryant (1794-1878)

...So live, that when thy summons comes to join
The innumerable caravan which moves
To that mysterious realm where each shall take
His chamber in the silent halls of death,
Thou go not, like the quarry-slave at night,
Scourged by his dungeon; but, sustain'd and soothed
By an unfaltering trust, approach thy grave,
Like one who wraps the drapery of his couch
About him, and lies down to pleasant dreams.

Sweet dreams, Dad.