Out of The Silent Planet

Life for this writer, as I suspect for many others has been a roller coaster as of late. Some of the dips have been to some amazing depths. But there have been rises and peaks, promises of more thrills to be had.

Do I still write?

Are you kidding? Yes, I do. I haven't written short stories or posted as often as I like, but I continue to write my novel and hit goals.

Tonight, I submitted to my writing group the first 20K+ words of my work in progress. I would never have felt it was ready if I chose to be casual so I'm grateful for a deadline, for me they are necessary. As much as I want perfection in my execution, I get lost in my quest to reach it. As I reviewed the copies I later passed to the group, I saw flaws that made me flinch and want to scream, "I know better than that!" or "I should have caught this!" etc. Yet there are other parts that I feel are fantastic and interesting. Fun.

So here I am countering attacks by switchblade-bearing butterflies, dodging waves of anxiety, and running from storms of doubt. What keeps me standing in the eye of all of these forces? My belief:

My stories are written for the joy and need to write. I want to question, explore, provoke and have fun. They are meant to be shared and enjoyed with others.

So, if I don't give them to respected individuals to review and share constructive feedback as they develop, how will my stories ever become as great as I believe they can be? How will I ever grow and improve?

So that's it. Now there's nothing more for me to do except to wait and see.

And keep writing, of course.

Psst! Wanna See Something New?

For my birthday? Among well wishes and some other fabulous gifts that included down slippers (a big deal, I'm always cold) and dinner at a fabulous restaurant there was something else.

I was given my own website, too! To do with as I see fit! And as a bonus, my blog here is integrated into the site. Fantastic! What a man I have for making this all happen! I'm quite lucky. [Edit: To clarify, he provided domain, tools for website creation and 18 hour tech support (he likes his sleep). I took given tools and made the site from that point. My guy is a professional designer, so his websites are much more dynamic than my little e-place. But this one is something I can maintain myself. :) )

So without further pomp, please to be checking out before it's "official" world debut:

Words That Rattle (www.wordsthatrattle.com)

Let me know what you think if so inclined. Just to warn everyone, I will take overwhelming silence to mean you are rendered speechless by the splendor of my site. This will give me bragging rights. Do you really want that?

=)

Congratulations Richard!

Excellent writer Richard Crawford won 3rd place in the Fall 2007 24 Hour Short Story Contest By Writer's Weekly!

WELL DONE RICHARD!!! I'm NOT surprised at all! Your story is great!

Details Here:

http://www.writersweekly.com/contest/fall07winners.html

Ooo. Ooo now this is interesting...

I'm writing.

I've got an outline of sorts had a scene in mind, characters, what would happen. I'm typing along and then two of them get into this staring match (not foreseen or outlined) and they were just supposed to sit and check each other out. But my protagonist is surly (for good reason) and this guy, he's impatient (for good reason). Suddenly they both are hijacking this scene, the intentions. Something else is happening.

And it's so much better! It's in line with my original intention but it's much more defining of who he is and it's making my protagonist rise up to the occasion, too. Maybe this happens with other writers I'm sure it must, I've read about it. In certain ways it has happened to me before but...not quite like this. It fits.

So far this story is growing and I'm nervous only because I don't want to hit "this is crap" and give in to a temptation to stop. I have to finish this and push through. I have to do this because I want to do this and I really do. Hmm, I better make sure my loose out line is ready if that happens. Sunday goal methinks.

I'm up to 7K today. I've determined that writing until the scene I'm writing feels complete or writing about 1K on days I write is my minimum goal word count. At least for this story. This pace allows such things to happen like above and makes me feel like I'm making solid progress. I can always write more. I can give myself a break when I need to. But 1K is my goal.

Okay, I'll stop with the every move updates (I really don't mean to) but I had to share this feels...so good. Gosh I hope it is good. Or reads well. Or someone likes it - ahh later! I'll think about that later.

For now, I need to get it out. And I like it.

What am I doing? Writing...

I should probably be sleeping.

But I just finished writing a 1000 words. An idea born from a challenge and a desire to write a little fic (750 words I figured) has blossomed over the last two days and at this moment I'm 4000 words in. This is going to screw with my NaNoWriMo goals - but I'm on to something good. It feels like it. It's rough, so rough but I like it.

Is it a novel? Is it a short story? I don't know just yet. I'm not totally sure what is going to happen in it, but characters are talking and events are shaping. I'm only a few chapters ahead in my planning. I'm just rounding on what I think the climax and ending will be in my musings. I'm completely engaged. Most of all I'm just writing.

All this on a borrowed computer given that my current one with all my luxuries is in the Mac shop. Not bad. Maybe the new comp and keyboard are conducive to my writing? Hmm something to consider.

Alright, I can rest now. Because when I wake up, I'll write.

Follow up to Belated Sunday Meditation Post

Today I woke up and wrote.

This afternoon, I wrote a short fic between classes.

It feels awesome when I make my word worth something and respect myself and my writing.

And now, off to study so I can write even more.

My First Rejection Letter

Today when I arrived home from errands and hanging out with my mom, my first rejection letter (a form letter) was waiting for me. The website of the publisher had cautioned not to expect more than a form letter due to volume. It is a very politely worded and concisely written form letter.

My first thought was some disappointment, it would have been wonderful to have published in spite of my inexperience first time out. By the same token, as I continue to practice and apply some of what I learned at the conference in my writings (I attended after I submitted Soul Mate), I can already see some of the areas in need of improvement and work more clearly. I realize I'm still learning. I'm ok with this.

When I submitted this story it was during a peak of a very stressful time. Dad was fading and everyone in my family was hurting. We would only have a few more days together. I recall thinking when I hit send on my email to submit it, what better time than right now to submit a work (clearly I admit I was not thinking career wise or about how emotional I was feeling inside). But a "no" couldn't possibly compare to the hurt I felt. Still feel admittedly.

Then, I needed to do something part of the world outside of the ICU unit and hospital, remind myself there were things beyond...those moments. I wanted to visit with my dad and share with him all about the experience and process of the idea, writing it, trying to edit myself and then submitting. I wanted him to know that I had accomplished something we had long, thoughtful discussions about. I submitted a story that was the best I could write at that time (though perhaps not brilliant, in retrospect). Happily, I was able to tell him all of this during a point when he was conscious and pain free. I told him with my chin up and a genuine smile. I remember he smiled back through the tubes and I knew he heard me, was proud of me.

I hope to always remember to put rejections and other such disappointments I may face while I travel down roads into this perspective. Rejections are disappointing. I'd be a liar if I said it doesn't hurt. I do feel about it, after all I'm putting myself out there. But it's not HURT in the big letters. Not compared to what dad went through or how much I miss him.

Finally, I hold my chin up with the knowledge that I submitted something! Geez, at least no one responded, "Dear GOD Ray! Never send anything to us again!" Even if someone had, I'd smile, salute and keep on moving. This letter is proof to myself I'm on my chosen path of storyteller, writer. So its not with a large clash of cymbals to herald my foot falls. Its still enough fanfare to make me smile. I'll even be able to flash the rejection page around as proof I'm not just talking...I'm walking. More than that, I'm writing and hopefully writing better all the time.

So a sincere thank you to Shane and the slush pile editors at Delirium Books for making my first rejection memorable and even dignified. I believe with time and steady improvement, I'll make it harder to send another polite form letter to me in the future. At some point with applied diligence, I'll make it impossible.

Today is a gold star day. Hope yours is too.

Ohmigosh! Silly Writer's Moment Here

Ok. I promise I'm not going to report every little move I make here, that's truly boring. This is not part of my "Great American Novel" idea...but a story idea I've had married a plot idea, then the offspring blossomed and expanded like an atomic monster!!! It happened during a free writing plot exercise! Did I mention free writing kicks ass?

::Cue me running around office like excited cat during nocturnal shadow races when you are dead asleep and home base is your snoring, pillow-resting head::

I'm excited, to say the least. The idea is of course, brilliant (I'm sure this will change just not right now). Must write like atomic monster!

K... need to do some outlining but wow..pow, zing. This is wonderful. Not that I get like this with every plot or idea...but this one feels like mine to offer? Does that make sense? Blah. Too many words.

I got an awesome inspiration and I gotta get back to it, K?

[EDIT 6:26 p.m.: 1700 words total on back story, theme, premise and starting synopsis (with a few hundred more on loose outline). Brain still sparking. This is a good start. Now it's dinner time!]

Sac Writer's Conference: Day 2

Some (not all) things I learned today:

* A lot about how to write well and structure
* Robin Burcell is a great mystery writer and an even greater person. And there is a difference between thrillers and suspense books.
* Romance genre is highly competitive and not as easy as it looks (luckily perhaps, thats not my focus)
* Researching, talking is NOT writing. Only writing is writing
* (Reinforced message) A good story is a good story no matter what genre so don't just read one genre, read everything.
* You cannot improve if you are not open to listening and learning constantly
* It may be possible even now that I can write and it won't just be a "book of pain"
* Everyone feels like their work is crap and they can't finish it. EVERYONE.
* YAY! I learned how to approach edits/revisions - look at a scene or sentence. What is the point? Does it help tell the story or forward the plot? Remove it. If you take it out does it take anything away from the story? If not lose it. Don't get hung up on it either.
* There is *always* something to write about

There's more but I'm sleepy...

Holy Freaking CRAP

I just entered my first submission to a respected horror publisher. Yeah it's a Flash Fiction piece and while I'm capable of writing gore and guts horror (and I do like to from time to time) this was a little more funny and much more psychological in execution - but then psychological horror has always held more appeal to me. I think the most frightening monsters live there.

I do NOT expect this to be accepted (It would be paid if it were and that's just too much to consider at this moment). But the fact that I just did it, was inspired to write a story for this site, wrote it and submitted following their directions I feel like...I'm shocked and happy with myself. No is the worst that can happen, right?

It felt good to just bite the bullet.

Must write MORE. Wanna do it again! Again!