Conversations On The Train...

(Due to minor surgery (I'm fine!) this blog has been typed with one hand, but proofed for typos)

I'm taking the commuter train into work these days. After getting accustomed to the hustle and bustle I started listening to the conversations around me, the glimpses of other lives happening. These are snippets of conversations I've overheard.

Dark haired woman on cell phone, "No. No it means I'm pregnant. Did I ask you to do anything? W-What do you think I'm going to do about it? I'm going to be a freaking fantastic mom without you. You've done the most and best you will ever be capable of doing and I thank you. Have a great life." *click*

Drunk man sitting illegally on the train steps commenting to random disapproving passenger, "No you...you think I'm stupid but I'm just drunk. And even drunk I know.... you ain't right."

Woman with strong perfume on phone,"No I can't I'm on the train...no....no...fine." (hushed voice) "I love you madly, thinking of you constantly and can't wait to come home just to touch your hand."

It reminds me there is so much life going on all the time around us, yet it is so easy to tune it out. I find for me it is much more rewarding when I pay attention. As a writer there are a wealth of opportunities that provide great inspiration for new stories everyday or even new conversations or character development. You just have to be willing to be open to hear it. A simple notion perhaps, but a powerful one when embraced.

And so, I continue to listen, write and learn.

Tell the Story, Ask Questions

The writing has been harder lately. So much harder that doing anything other than private journaling felt like pulling teeth. Yet, I persisted. Today I tried some new techniques for what to do when you feel "blocked" even though I didn't exactly believe that I was or felt that way. I mean, I was writing. I have an outline and plan. I followed them and made my minimum word counts at worst. And I know part of the writing process is that things stop feeling like that rush when you start a new story and you have to get through. But it was just...not feeling right. Today, I think I figured out why. I was forcing my words the story. I kept saying to myself some variation of, "Write this, write harder. Yeah I have a plan and yeah I can augment it, but structure is important - I need to follow it. Goals to hit. Create! Now."

And this is part of writing process I know, but I completely ignored when my gut said, "This isn't working, this scene is wrong." Or "This character doesn't really want to do this or behave this way." I just nodded and kept going - I thought I was trying to sabotage myself and all my efforts for organization and discipline. I tried to force things to happen and because I made a map (an outline) I wrote to the outline - not to the story I have to tell. There is a difference, at least for me. But it felt like I was writing through stinky mud - possible to do, but not pleasant.

So I stopped. Today through a writing exercise I was asked questions, which inspired answers and more questions...lo and behold I started to get the right answers. Things started to click with the story and characters. I'm going to have to tear up a bunch of words/progress (again!) but for the feeling that this is what the characters would do and where the story ought to go, I feel better, energized and intrigued with my story again. I know I can force characters to do whatever or the story to do what I want. But I realize because I was forcing reactions that progressed the plot (technically) though not the story, the story itself was suffering and becoming flat.

Now, I can continue to throw monkey wrenches at my characters to see if they can dodge or catch them, but I know if they would scream and cry rather than take a hit and act tough then that is what they should do. That is more true. No matter how fantastic a story I may tell, I always want some truth; true lies to be told. It's a thing. So I guess part of the lesson here is to trust my writing instincts. When it feels wrong it probably is wrong. And I shouldn't get hung up about not following the outline if something different feels right. Tell the story.

I'm back to excitement about my 5 a.m. wake-ups. Ok, not excitement but...more positively motivated to do it to see what will happen next in the story. How 'bout that?

Ooo. Ooo now this is interesting...

I'm writing.

I've got an outline of sorts had a scene in mind, characters, what would happen. I'm typing along and then two of them get into this staring match (not foreseen or outlined) and they were just supposed to sit and check each other out. But my protagonist is surly (for good reason) and this guy, he's impatient (for good reason). Suddenly they both are hijacking this scene, the intentions. Something else is happening.

And it's so much better! It's in line with my original intention but it's much more defining of who he is and it's making my protagonist rise up to the occasion, too. Maybe this happens with other writers I'm sure it must, I've read about it. In certain ways it has happened to me before but...not quite like this. It fits.

So far this story is growing and I'm nervous only because I don't want to hit "this is crap" and give in to a temptation to stop. I have to finish this and push through. I have to do this because I want to do this and I really do. Hmm, I better make sure my loose out line is ready if that happens. Sunday goal methinks.

I'm up to 7K today. I've determined that writing until the scene I'm writing feels complete or writing about 1K on days I write is my minimum goal word count. At least for this story. This pace allows such things to happen like above and makes me feel like I'm making solid progress. I can always write more. I can give myself a break when I need to. But 1K is my goal.

Okay, I'll stop with the every move updates (I really don't mean to) but I had to share this feels...so good. Gosh I hope it is good. Or reads well. Or someone likes it - ahh later! I'll think about that later.

For now, I need to get it out. And I like it.