Out of The Silent Planet

Life for this writer, as I suspect for many others has been a roller coaster as of late. Some of the dips have been to some amazing depths. But there have been rises and peaks, promises of more thrills to be had.

Do I still write?

Are you kidding? Yes, I do. I haven't written short stories or posted as often as I like, but I continue to write my novel and hit goals.

Tonight, I submitted to my writing group the first 20K+ words of my work in progress. I would never have felt it was ready if I chose to be casual so I'm grateful for a deadline, for me they are necessary. As much as I want perfection in my execution, I get lost in my quest to reach it. As I reviewed the copies I later passed to the group, I saw flaws that made me flinch and want to scream, "I know better than that!" or "I should have caught this!" etc. Yet there are other parts that I feel are fantastic and interesting. Fun.

So here I am countering attacks by switchblade-bearing butterflies, dodging waves of anxiety, and running from storms of doubt. What keeps me standing in the eye of all of these forces? My belief:

My stories are written for the joy and need to write. I want to question, explore, provoke and have fun. They are meant to be shared and enjoyed with others.

So, if I don't give them to respected individuals to review and share constructive feedback as they develop, how will my stories ever become as great as I believe they can be? How will I ever grow and improve?

So that's it. Now there's nothing more for me to do except to wait and see.

And keep writing, of course.

I'm not dead and I'm not for sale...

Well...my writing may be for sale at some point but not me, per say.

I am alive and mostly well. Time away from the blog and website has allowed me to focus on my final semester toward my first degree(s) to be awarded in just a week and a half (gah!), focus on my health (which I had neglected) and generally making life more relaxing and fun again by managing the stress of budgets and cash in this recession ready economic climate. I have been working, going to classes and writing when I can - though I readily confess my writing got the short end of the stick overall.

The good part is that I haven't stopped completely though my frequency has been less and I have been VERY slow. The other good part is that the tedium of work allowed my mind to travel enough to work out and expand my story further. On one blessed day during the last month and a half (and just in time as I was feeling particularly guilty and frustrated about the writing situation) I actually sat and banged out 3,000 quality words that moved the story, scene, character development and plot in one session. This did much to improve my sagging confidence and ego. The story lives in me as does my desire yet "writing out" my stresses can only go so far with me I've discovered. Or better to say certain types of stress do not lend themselves well to my writing. Perhaps as I continue to mature and develop as a writer this will change.

Now things appear to be on an upswing and this summer promises me GREAT opportunities to complete my book and possibly start my second one (YAY!!). I do also want to write a few short pieces and submit them with a full understanding that I can probably collect at least nine more rejections before the summer is out (I've got one rejection under my belt currently).

So in about two weeks the blog and website should be alive again with content and thoughts on a regular basis.

Today is Mother's Day and we celebrated this morning with our moms who we are so fortunate to have as they are among the best in the universe. I hope you were able to do the same or appreciate the memories of your mom on this day with smiles and laughter. I know, that was sappy. Snark makes a return in 2 weeks too.

BTW: Quote in subject line is from song Trippin' on a Hole in a Paper Heart by Stone Temple Pilots

Congratulations Richard!

Excellent writer Richard Crawford won 3rd place in the Fall 2007 24 Hour Short Story Contest By Writer's Weekly!

WELL DONE RICHARD!!! I'm NOT surprised at all! Your story is great!

Details Here:

http://www.writersweekly.com/contest/fall07winners.html

Belated Sunday Meditation: Consistently Persistent

Missed my Sunday meditation...but this does apply in that vein. Belated then it is.

I'm currently a reentry student in college and I have to say, this semester is more intense than I factored. Not the work but the sheer amount of writing is more than I expected. It makes me want to write creatively just to balance all the dry stuff. Since my last post, I've found myself waking up early to write then getting sidetracked by the impending exam, essay or book report . This happens even when I have amply prepared for them but I start second guessing myself. As a result, I'm not prioritizing my passion. How rude I am to myself for doing this?

Thankfully, this past weekend I participated with talented, awesome friends in a quarterly 24-hour Short Story Contest at Writer's Weekly. I've never done something like that before and I really liked it. It was fun even if I now keep thinking of all the things I could have done to improve my submission. But I submitted something I liked, believe can be enjoyed by others and says something. It felt good. It was fun especially sharing the pressure to get it submitted, ideas and general challenges with talented friends (who I think have a FANTASTIC shot at winning the top prizes). Thank you, if you guys are reading this. It was a great experience and you had a lot to do with that too.

Really, I refuse to allow those assignments to continue to get in my way, though I acknowledge they are a priority too. I just have to relax. Lack of sleep right now is probably not helping me either. But I know how good I feel working at one of my passions and I can't continue to improve or get where I'm going if I don't respect my time. Everyone (you know, the mysterious "they") says that one part of writing is persistence and another is consistency. I'm persistent, no doubt. I need to get more consistency. Tomorrow, I wake up and exam or not I write an hour and return to my center again. I also need to submit to my writer's group. That will be good for me too.

I'm going to participate in National Novel Writing Month aka NaNoWriMo in November of this year. I can't wait. Last year I "won" and wrote a 50k novel in 30 days. Please note, I did not provide an adjective such as great, fantastic or in the realm of publishing before the word novel in that last sentence. But I did meet the goal, gain a lot of self confidence and have fun. This year, I'm going to attempt to do it again, but this time write something with the intention to submit it for publishing. If you want to buddy up for encouragement, commiseration and general goofy hi-jinks, please let me know.

Right now, I'm going to have some tea and get some sleep. Then I'm going to wake up and do some fantastic writing. How about you?

My First Rejection Letter

Today when I arrived home from errands and hanging out with my mom, my first rejection letter (a form letter) was waiting for me. The website of the publisher had cautioned not to expect more than a form letter due to volume. It is a very politely worded and concisely written form letter.

My first thought was some disappointment, it would have been wonderful to have published in spite of my inexperience first time out. By the same token, as I continue to practice and apply some of what I learned at the conference in my writings (I attended after I submitted Soul Mate), I can already see some of the areas in need of improvement and work more clearly. I realize I'm still learning. I'm ok with this.

When I submitted this story it was during a peak of a very stressful time. Dad was fading and everyone in my family was hurting. We would only have a few more days together. I recall thinking when I hit send on my email to submit it, what better time than right now to submit a work (clearly I admit I was not thinking career wise or about how emotional I was feeling inside). But a "no" couldn't possibly compare to the hurt I felt. Still feel admittedly.

Then, I needed to do something part of the world outside of the ICU unit and hospital, remind myself there were things beyond...those moments. I wanted to visit with my dad and share with him all about the experience and process of the idea, writing it, trying to edit myself and then submitting. I wanted him to know that I had accomplished something we had long, thoughtful discussions about. I submitted a story that was the best I could write at that time (though perhaps not brilliant, in retrospect). Happily, I was able to tell him all of this during a point when he was conscious and pain free. I told him with my chin up and a genuine smile. I remember he smiled back through the tubes and I knew he heard me, was proud of me.

I hope to always remember to put rejections and other such disappointments I may face while I travel down roads into this perspective. Rejections are disappointing. I'd be a liar if I said it doesn't hurt. I do feel about it, after all I'm putting myself out there. But it's not HURT in the big letters. Not compared to what dad went through or how much I miss him.

Finally, I hold my chin up with the knowledge that I submitted something! Geez, at least no one responded, "Dear GOD Ray! Never send anything to us again!" Even if someone had, I'd smile, salute and keep on moving. This letter is proof to myself I'm on my chosen path of storyteller, writer. So its not with a large clash of cymbals to herald my foot falls. Its still enough fanfare to make me smile. I'll even be able to flash the rejection page around as proof I'm not just talking...I'm walking. More than that, I'm writing and hopefully writing better all the time.

So a sincere thank you to Shane and the slush pile editors at Delirium Books for making my first rejection memorable and even dignified. I believe with time and steady improvement, I'll make it harder to send another polite form letter to me in the future. At some point with applied diligence, I'll make it impossible.

Today is a gold star day. Hope yours is too.

Holy Freaking CRAP

I just entered my first submission to a respected horror publisher. Yeah it's a Flash Fiction piece and while I'm capable of writing gore and guts horror (and I do like to from time to time) this was a little more funny and much more psychological in execution - but then psychological horror has always held more appeal to me. I think the most frightening monsters live there.

I do NOT expect this to be accepted (It would be paid if it were and that's just too much to consider at this moment). But the fact that I just did it, was inspired to write a story for this site, wrote it and submitted following their directions I feel like...I'm shocked and happy with myself. No is the worst that can happen, right?

It felt good to just bite the bullet.

Must write MORE. Wanna do it again! Again!