Sunday Writing Meditation: Ignoring the Muse

Today, I looked forward to having the house to myself. Time to write uninterrupted muse or no muse. And as it would happen, the muse decided to take a trip today and was nowhere to be found this morning. That's fine, diligence being what it is, I nodded my head and prepared to work without said muse. Only I kept distracting myself with other things...I just couldn't clear my head. I tried to read but even that was hard. I knew I needed to try something different.

So rather than spend a whole day frustrated with myself, I gave in.

I relaxed. If I can't "mug the muse" (love that phrase - Holly Lisle thank you!), I can't summon it, and I have self-imposed goals to meet, then maybe a change of pace is in order. Instead of morning writing, I'll try later in the evening.

So today I checked on the Gardenia plant I potted yesterday. I did some housework. Prepared for tomorrow. Did grocery shopping. Relaxed and watched some of my guilty pleasure shows on TV (TIVO rocks). I did some laundry. And as I was playing a video game, I felt the muse lurking, looking around the corner. Possibly wondering where all my frustration is hiding. Where is my fear to ever become self-disciplined? But the fear and frustration aren't hidden or lurking, they just don't hold any sway with me at this point. I nod to the muse but I don't approach. I look away and continue to enjoy myself. I find, happily I don't feel guilty at all 'cause again muse or no muse, I'll write later tonight. I'll still reach my goal for today.

And what do you know? The muse is hanging out, shyly. Brilliant!

So what have I learned? Sometimes it's ok to give in and not do the work immediately, particularly when I give myself realistic parameters so I still get things done and I don't feel behind the eight ball. Perhaps take care of things niggling in the back of my mind, too. This allows me to fully enjoy my time and be present in the moment.

So, back to my amusements for a little longer. Then I'm off to write. What will you do?

My First Rejection Letter

Today when I arrived home from errands and hanging out with my mom, my first rejection letter (a form letter) was waiting for me. The website of the publisher had cautioned not to expect more than a form letter due to volume. It is a very politely worded and concisely written form letter.

My first thought was some disappointment, it would have been wonderful to have published in spite of my inexperience first time out. By the same token, as I continue to practice and apply some of what I learned at the conference in my writings (I attended after I submitted Soul Mate), I can already see some of the areas in need of improvement and work more clearly. I realize I'm still learning. I'm ok with this.

When I submitted this story it was during a peak of a very stressful time. Dad was fading and everyone in my family was hurting. We would only have a few more days together. I recall thinking when I hit send on my email to submit it, what better time than right now to submit a work (clearly I admit I was not thinking career wise or about how emotional I was feeling inside). But a "no" couldn't possibly compare to the hurt I felt. Still feel admittedly.

Then, I needed to do something part of the world outside of the ICU unit and hospital, remind myself there were things beyond...those moments. I wanted to visit with my dad and share with him all about the experience and process of the idea, writing it, trying to edit myself and then submitting. I wanted him to know that I had accomplished something we had long, thoughtful discussions about. I submitted a story that was the best I could write at that time (though perhaps not brilliant, in retrospect). Happily, I was able to tell him all of this during a point when he was conscious and pain free. I told him with my chin up and a genuine smile. I remember he smiled back through the tubes and I knew he heard me, was proud of me.

I hope to always remember to put rejections and other such disappointments I may face while I travel down roads into this perspective. Rejections are disappointing. I'd be a liar if I said it doesn't hurt. I do feel about it, after all I'm putting myself out there. But it's not HURT in the big letters. Not compared to what dad went through or how much I miss him.

Finally, I hold my chin up with the knowledge that I submitted something! Geez, at least no one responded, "Dear GOD Ray! Never send anything to us again!" Even if someone had, I'd smile, salute and keep on moving. This letter is proof to myself I'm on my chosen path of storyteller, writer. So its not with a large clash of cymbals to herald my foot falls. Its still enough fanfare to make me smile. I'll even be able to flash the rejection page around as proof I'm not just talking...I'm walking. More than that, I'm writing and hopefully writing better all the time.

So a sincere thank you to Shane and the slush pile editors at Delirium Books for making my first rejection memorable and even dignified. I believe with time and steady improvement, I'll make it harder to send another polite form letter to me in the future. At some point with applied diligence, I'll make it impossible.

Today is a gold star day. Hope yours is too.

Ohmigosh! Silly Writer's Moment Here

Ok. I promise I'm not going to report every little move I make here, that's truly boring. This is not part of my "Great American Novel" idea...but a story idea I've had married a plot idea, then the offspring blossomed and expanded like an atomic monster!!! It happened during a free writing plot exercise! Did I mention free writing kicks ass?

::Cue me running around office like excited cat during nocturnal shadow races when you are dead asleep and home base is your snoring, pillow-resting head::

I'm excited, to say the least. The idea is of course, brilliant (I'm sure this will change just not right now). Must write like atomic monster!

K... need to do some outlining but wow..pow, zing. This is wonderful. Not that I get like this with every plot or idea...but this one feels like mine to offer? Does that make sense? Blah. Too many words.

I got an awesome inspiration and I gotta get back to it, K?

[EDIT 6:26 p.m.: 1700 words total on back story, theme, premise and starting synopsis (with a few hundred more on loose outline). Brain still sparking. This is a good start. Now it's dinner time!]

Sunday Writing Meditation: My Current Game Plan

First, a big thank you to all of you who posted or emailed me about my last post. All of your comments brought points of view that helped me with my sinkhole so I can get moving. Your thoughts always have value to me.

Now, onto this post.

So aside from fighting what appears to be a cold, I've been thinking this week about my writing and my goals. What do I have in my head right now?

I've got some stories, definitely short stories.
I've got four actual novels that I want to write, have partially written or have written.
I've got some flash fiction pieces too.

So what's a writer to do with all this ambition, knowing that the non-writing world also has to play a part in all I do? My solution is fourfold: Plan. Organize. Apply self-discipline. Have fun.


Plan:

I want to write novels first and foremost but I must still live in the non-writing world and meet my goals there too. So I need a plan. So far, this is the plan: Write.

Awesome! Now to flesh that puppy out.

I will write something 4 days minimum each week. I can always write more or more often, but that is my minimum. It can be free writing. It can be story writing and/or blog writing. But I must do this and lucky for me I want to do this. Set up word counts for projects to make more finite objectives for this.

On the days that I don't write, I don't feel pressured or guilty about it because I'm making sure I'm taking time out for loved ones or for myself to be the responsible individual I need to sometimes be. To read. To laugh, recharge and let other stimulus spark me. To live - writers can research the dickens out of things but we have to live a little too, right?

Organize:

I've got my writing space. I've got my blog set-up. I've got weblinks to favorite inspirations and others to tools to help me on my way. As a MAC user I'm getting the hang of Scrivener program and loving it. I'm working on very loose outlines because I'm not entirely sure how outlining works for me yet but I've got a few new formats to try. I'm half researching which publishers and sites I'll want to submit my works, but I'm mostly creating my story idea notebook/file to be filled with thoughts and phrases that strike me, works that inspire. I'm also getting a notebook for me just to do some free writing. I love typing my stories but the longhand writing even with the bad handwriting and hand cramps makes me slow down, consider what I'm saying. It's a very good exercise. Oh and I bought a kitchen timer! NaNoWriMo taught me this trick - when you don't feel like writing put a timer down give yourself 5-10 min and then just write anything. Afterward, walk away or if stimulated continue. For me this often works.

Apply Self-Discipline:

::Shudders:: Discipline and I are still getting acquainted but I hope we become respectful partners, if not steadfast friends. Talking about writing is not writing. Researching is not writing. Sending emails is writing, but not progressive writing on your stories. Procrastination is not my friend. To help resist procrastination and its sweet siren call, I'll maintain my daily writing with a word count (variable to my current project). No stated absolute goals when I'm free writing. (What I do with what's written after those sessions...is what it is.)

Have Fun:

Now, why would someone sing with a beautiful voice if it makes them utterly miserable? Perhaps to bring joy to others or because it's something they must do. If I find myself in this sort of situation where I'm not having fun, but I must persevere I believe I should at least be thoughtful about doing it and about why. When I'm feeling the least inclined this is what may help me to go on. Aside from that, I am fun-loving and I really enjoy the process. It's the ride and the destination that are worthwhile, right? .


More specific:

* I am going to focus on writing a few flash fics and doing some free writing to keep my brain exercising for the next couple weeks. With classes starting up again and the new workload to balance out this will keep me writing but allow me to figure out how my other time commitments will affect my schedule. This may end sooner or later but I want to give myself time to get a good schedule going.

* By 9/17 I'm going to start working on one of my written novels, probably taking a good critical eye and rewriting it. Chances are this will be The Fugue State.

* I plan to participate in NaNoWriMo this year. No idea what I'll write yet but...likely it will be a very rough first draft for one of the four unwritten novels.

* I'm going to start attending local writer group meetings too and see what fun and information can be gleaned there. I always want to learn new things.

* I give myself inherent permission to ditch this plan if it isn't working and try something new. But I need to give this a good chance first.

...and that's my Sunday Writing Meditation and current game plan. Thoughts, assertions and suggestions welcome.

The Language of Movement

These are some of the words of movement, moving on, going forward.

...dust yourself off and try again
...have to get on the horse
...can't just sit at home and mope all day
...things to do, places to go
...miles to go before I sleep

...You get the idea. These are very good words (sentiments) and can be physically executed if you've the tools to do it. But the question is how to make these words reverberate and act on them when the movement you are pushing toward is emotional? Saying, "I'm moving forward," then actually moving forward are two different things.

It's not writer's block. It's not a lack of thoughts. It's just me standing in a sinkhole, dropping slow inches while I peer into some dense foliage concerned that I can't see the beast waiting for me. If there is one at all. There could also be a parade, behind the curtain of leaves. How will I know? But meanwhile, here I am sinking because at least I can see the sinkhole! It does read sorta stupid of me once I put it out there, doesn't it? At least being eaten by a beast would be interesting. Sinking in a sinkhole? That's just a slow, boring demise. Who needs that?

In writing, it's the scene stuck in my head that I'm emotionally invested in because I either love it, hate it, need it, or I'm confused by it, etc. The first step to getting around this I suppose is to recognize why it's preventing my movement, my progression. Why it (or that I allow it to) holds me back? Lack of understanding? Fear? Pride? Fatigue? Stubbornness? Ooo, how about an unwillingness to let go? Of what? Of this sense of frustration because at least it is something, it's familiar. Beyond it I have nothing waiting or planned. Taking steps into the yonder without an idea of where I'm going (I can't read compasses!), what awaits me (A parade of monsters!?) even while carefully treading. I've only this vague sense of where I want to end up.

Wow. That feels very naked... so this must be my truth! :) Afraid of the risk, dammit I hate that! I believe majority of the time that I like risks. I have taken many quite blithely. They quicken the blood and make the taste of things, sweeter. So why now? Maybe it's because I sense a change in my forest - it's different. Then, I took risks in the comfort of a known setting even with unknown results, I still felt safe...the treehouse was in sight or easy to find (Hmm how much risk is that actually - eh I'll save it for another post. :)). Now, everything here is new and I have no treehouse. It's exciting..but it makes for a bit of a pause.

Well hell, for me the only thing to do is something fun, something drastic to get my blood pumping lose myself in the journey for a while. Get over myself, get out of this sinkhole and step into my unknown prepared for my monster but hoping to join in a parade. On my own or with friends I can't stay here, I've got to keep on moving.

So...wanna go? I'm going to go write something. What will you do?

Final Day 3 of Sacramento Writer's Conference

I will post more about my impressions later, but other demands are making my time short tonight. The conference rocked and I'm very inspired to write because of it and the inspirational writers that attended who are published, not published or just learning. So here is what I've learned today in brief:

* The hero's journey plays on in variation through most of the successful stories and books most of us enjoy. It's a good thing to check current story against to see if elements are missing.
* Free writing works.
* Making new friends that share similar views is always wonderful. Linking their blogs to yours even better!
* Are you reading Richard Crawford's blog? Why not, it's amazing. Check him out.
* Ask questions
* Listen
* Set a goal and meet it: write one page or three pages a day, to a certain word count or during a certain time whichever works but be consistent. This is the way to discipline ::shudders::
* Revise, revise and then revise.
* Keep paper and pen ready to take inspiration at any time.

Good stuff. There's more but...later.

Sac Writer's Conference: Day 2

Some (not all) things I learned today:

* A lot about how to write well and structure
* Robin Burcell is a great mystery writer and an even greater person. And there is a difference between thrillers and suspense books.
* Romance genre is highly competitive and not as easy as it looks (luckily perhaps, thats not my focus)
* Researching, talking is NOT writing. Only writing is writing
* (Reinforced message) A good story is a good story no matter what genre so don't just read one genre, read everything.
* You cannot improve if you are not open to listening and learning constantly
* It may be possible even now that I can write and it won't just be a "book of pain"
* Everyone feels like their work is crap and they can't finish it. EVERYONE.
* YAY! I learned how to approach edits/revisions - look at a scene or sentence. What is the point? Does it help tell the story or forward the plot? Remove it. If you take it out does it take anything away from the story? If not lose it. Don't get hung up on it either.
* There is *always* something to write about

There's more but I'm sleepy...

Day One of Writer's Conference

Fun and interesting! More to report probably in roundup as I am very tired now.

But this was a good idea. To think, I almost didn't attend.

Words for Today

Surreal

Pain

Shattered

Loss

Love

Hurt

I

Miss

You

Already

Rest easy and be of joy. I know family particularly your mother, brothers and sisters are there. I know you are snapping fingers and laughing. I know you know how much love is here and how you are carried in my heart. For always.

One of your favorite quotes:

THANATOPSIS (Last Verse)
by: William Cullen Bryant (1794-1878)

...So live, that when thy summons comes to join
The innumerable caravan which moves
To that mysterious realm where each shall take
His chamber in the silent halls of death,
Thou go not, like the quarry-slave at night,
Scourged by his dungeon; but, sustain'd and soothed
By an unfaltering trust, approach thy grave,
Like one who wraps the drapery of his couch
About him, and lies down to pleasant dreams.

Sweet dreams, Dad.

Holy Freaking CRAP

I just entered my first submission to a respected horror publisher. Yeah it's a Flash Fiction piece and while I'm capable of writing gore and guts horror (and I do like to from time to time) this was a little more funny and much more psychological in execution - but then psychological horror has always held more appeal to me. I think the most frightening monsters live there.

I do NOT expect this to be accepted (It would be paid if it were and that's just too much to consider at this moment). But the fact that I just did it, was inspired to write a story for this site, wrote it and submitted following their directions I feel like...I'm shocked and happy with myself. No is the worst that can happen, right?

It felt good to just bite the bullet.

Must write MORE. Wanna do it again! Again!

A Goal: Science Fiction and Fantasy Magazine

One of my goals is to publish a story in Fantasy & Science Fiction. Why? Besides the fact many authors I admire have published here? Because aside from Madeleine L'Engle's works lighting one of my creative sparks, this monthly magazine introduced to me by my dad opened my mind to so many other points of view and cemented my thought that genre is relative.

Dad and I have always shared a love of reading SF&F as well as horror stories (ironic since I don't see that many horror movies); I still remember the day he explained he bought us a subscription to something fantastic. We kept it for years. We'd read the new magazine each month and then go to lunch or dinner and talk about our favorite stories and why we liked them, what they made us think about or feel. Dad worked two to three jobs at any given time so for him to make time to read the magazine let alone share time with me for discussions always felt totally special.

It will be one of my happiest days ever, should it come to pass that I am published in this publication.

Current Thoughts: Words of Power

These thoughts are my current perceptions on the topic and subject to change with self-growth.

From the miniseries Twin Peaks
Fire Walk With Me (poem) by David Lynch

Through the darkness of future past,
The magican longs to see
One chants/(chance) out between two worlds:
Fire walk with me.
***

Quote from novel Dune
by Frank Herbert

I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past, I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.
~Bene Gesserit Litany Against Fear
***

Quote from Schoolhouse Rocks

Knowledge is Power!
***

What do all three of these quotes have in common? Besides exposing me as a sci-fi/Saturday morning cartoon geek? All of these words are memorable for many of those who have read them or have heard them uttered in a movie or TV show. Why? Power. The power to evoke and stay in the consciousness. The power to echo around your head and heart, to touch your soul. The power to move you in some way, reveal something to you...or within you. It isn't the words alone, it's the sentiment, the context. The complete picture.

Stories that are absent these sort of words are enjoyable and valid too. I think of them as "dessert stories" entertaining for fun's sake- satisfying because the context and your head are in the mode. Like a good "for the beach" or "for the plane ride" book. But I love when I come across words of power. I love stories and works that shake my core, my values, and my perceptions. Words and notions that challenge me or just...knock my socks off.

There's nothing like the sensation of reading something and feeling goose bumps course across your skin. Some sort of pulse response, then a kindred sensation shooting up your spine. The rush of endorphins as you think to yourself eagerly, "Oh good gravy...these words, this sentiment...this idea is just so...good!

I don't think every single word written must be done with the intention to contain words of power - they can spring from humble origins to inspire and affect readers. I believe the better goal is to write true: write true to the story, the characters, the world, and if relevent to the message you are sending. In the best cases, your words can strike harmony with each other and then chords in readers, sparking their thoughts in some way. And that's when your words gain power. It doesn't matter if it's only for one person or millions. You've just moved someone in a very intimate way.

That's power in the good way.

Beginnings and Introductions

A Few Words About Ray
Q: A few words about me?
A: Teller of tales. Writer of them too. Female. Smart alec. Fun-loving. Sometimes thinks too much. Learning. I have been writing creatively as many have since I was a little kid; writing through school, for fun, for self, for friends and family. Though I may be employed gainfully elsewhere, ask me what I do and I will reply "I'm a writer." I definitely don't have all the answers but I've got some good questions. You'll have to learn the rest along with me. Oh, I prefer to speak of myself in first person rather than third whenever I can.


More About Writing and Me
Q: What genre and style do I write?
A: When I'm asked that I generally respond Speculative Fiction. What does this mean? Ask ten different writers you'll get 10 different answers most likely. I tend to write a blend of literary fiction, sci-fi, fantasy, horror (I lean more toward psychological) and observation. Lately I've been getting into writing flash and short stories, though my long-term goal is novel writer.

Q: Some things you might read/find here:
A: My education as a writer, thoughts about the process, questions I ask and answers that reveal. Stumbles and falls in my experience, that will lead me to stand up, dust off, and move on. I can be verbose. Excitement and self-taught typing skills can lead to typos and creative grammar structures. Reasons to laugh. Attitude at times. Learn something new?


Other details
Q: Aside from writing, what do I do for kicks?
A: I play games: board games, card games, video, computer, MMOs etc. I love my Ibook but not in a rude if you're on a PC you suck sort of way - there's room for us all. I ride a motorcycle (this is still a new thing). I love to read books, watch movies. Lately my Netflix gets more exercise than the movie house. I hang out with family, good friends and try to make them laugh as hard as possible. I am new to yoga and loving that. I love to travel and see new places, meet new people. I really like to learn and discover new things. People watching is a favorite pastime as people are always very interesting to me. And I really like to smile. But not in a creepy way. Really.

Q: How often will I update?
A: Periodically is my most accurate reply, so that I don't let the fun of blogging or web stuff get in the way of actual writing, which is what I should be doing right now. But barring real life complications, my goal is to update a minimum of once a week - though most likely a lot more often than that.