Tell the Story, Ask Questions

The writing has been harder lately. So much harder that doing anything other than private journaling felt like pulling teeth. Yet, I persisted. Today I tried some new techniques for what to do when you feel "blocked" even though I didn't exactly believe that I was or felt that way. I mean, I was writing. I have an outline and plan. I followed them and made my minimum word counts at worst. And I know part of the writing process is that things stop feeling like that rush when you start a new story and you have to get through. But it was just...not feeling right. Today, I think I figured out why. I was forcing my words the story. I kept saying to myself some variation of, "Write this, write harder. Yeah I have a plan and yeah I can augment it, but structure is important - I need to follow it. Goals to hit. Create! Now."

And this is part of writing process I know, but I completely ignored when my gut said, "This isn't working, this scene is wrong." Or "This character doesn't really want to do this or behave this way." I just nodded and kept going - I thought I was trying to sabotage myself and all my efforts for organization and discipline. I tried to force things to happen and because I made a map (an outline) I wrote to the outline - not to the story I have to tell. There is a difference, at least for me. But it felt like I was writing through stinky mud - possible to do, but not pleasant.

So I stopped. Today through a writing exercise I was asked questions, which inspired answers and more questions...lo and behold I started to get the right answers. Things started to click with the story and characters. I'm going to have to tear up a bunch of words/progress (again!) but for the feeling that this is what the characters would do and where the story ought to go, I feel better, energized and intrigued with my story again. I know I can force characters to do whatever or the story to do what I want. But I realize because I was forcing reactions that progressed the plot (technically) though not the story, the story itself was suffering and becoming flat.

Now, I can continue to throw monkey wrenches at my characters to see if they can dodge or catch them, but I know if they would scream and cry rather than take a hit and act tough then that is what they should do. That is more true. No matter how fantastic a story I may tell, I always want some truth; true lies to be told. It's a thing. So I guess part of the lesson here is to trust my writing instincts. When it feels wrong it probably is wrong. And I shouldn't get hung up about not following the outline if something different feels right. Tell the story.

I'm back to excitement about my 5 a.m. wake-ups. Ok, not excitement but...more positively motivated to do it to see what will happen next in the story. How 'bout that?